Fueled by Kindness

March 2023:

Alex DeFrank had a megawatt smile, a silly sense of humor and an infectious love of life. He danced offbeat, sang off-key and was forever pulling pranks on family and friends.

Those closest to Alex, delighted in his tender side too. His generous spirit and reliable nature put others at ease.  And who could forget his big heart?

Whether working on his grandmother’s car, volunteering with animals, or assisting his father, Paul DeFrank, with home repairs, Alex was always first to lend a helping hand.

“He was always helping others,” said Rebecca DeFrank, Alex’s mother.  She is vision impaired and cherishes every moment her son devoted to her before his unexpected death in 2020 at the age of 22.

Now Paul and Rebecca are carrying on Alex’s legacy of kindness by encouraging others to register as an organ donor and by hosting a series of support sessions for people who are grieving the death of a family member or friend.

GriefShare is a nondenominational program offered by churches worldwide. It is designed to help people deal with the persistent agony that comes from the loss of a close friend or a loved one by gently moving them toward rebuilding their lives. Groups are hosted in more than 17,000 churches nationwide and people of all denominations are welcome.

The couple facilitate weekly sessions at Deerlake United Methodist Church, 8013 Deerlake Road in Tallahassee. The self-contained small gatherings feature videos, group discussion and workbook reflection.

Because part of life is experiencing pain and loss, and sometimes, finding meaning in it, Paul and Rebecca are confident this is the best way they can continue to honor Alex.

On May 2, 2020, the couple received a call saying their son had been involved in a work-related accident. Alex fell from a moving golf cart and onto the pavement hitting his head multiple times. He sustained life-threatening injuries as a result. Making the tragic situation even more difficult, Paul, Rebecca, and their daughter, Ashley, were unable to be with Alex in the hospital due to COVID restrictions that were in place at the time.

In the days following Alex’s accident, hope turned into fear and eventually into every parent’s worst nightmare. Once it became evident that Alex would not survive his injuries, Paul and Rebecca realized the best way to carry on their son’s legacy was to honor his decision to become an organ donor.

On May 11, 2020, Alex was declared brain dead.  Three days later he donated five organs to save the lives of four people, including a teenager, two women in their thirties and a grandfather.

“On the night before the transplant surgery, we made our last trip to the hospital to say goodbye even though we knew he was already gone,” Rebecca said. “As we left the hospital in total sadness over the loss of our precious son, we recognized that four individuals were now heading to the hospital with excitement and joy for a promising future.”

Alex registered as an organ donor when he got his learner’s permit at the age of 15.  Sharing the Gift of Life was his final act of kindness.

“While we had known about this, we never expected to be facing this type of outcome,” Paul said. “Alex understood it though.  In fact, he told his mom one day while discussing organ donation, ‘Why not donate? I won’t need them.’”

Throughout their ordeal, Paul and Rebecca couldn’t help but reflect on their son’s generous nature.

Alex loved people, animals and cars, pretty much in that order. He volunteered at The Tallahassee Museum so he could spend time with the animals, and he dreamed of becoming a veterinary technician.

“Unfortunately, he realized that he didn’t have the love of math that this degree would require,” Rebecca said. “It was at this point that he decided to become a mechanic. It soon became evident that this was his true passion.”

Alex enjoyed attending Lively Technical College Monday through Thursday and working as a mechanic on Friday and Saturday.

“More times than not, you would still find him working on his truck on Sunday afternoons,” Paul said.

Not a day goes by that Paul and Rebecca don’t wish they could change the ending to their son’s story. However, their involvement in GriefShare taught them that acceptance is part of moving on.  That, and they experienced the healing power of organ donation.

“We’ve heard from all four recipients about how their lives changed for the better as a result of the Gifts of Life that Alex gave,” Paul said. “We are so very grateful for their stories. A grandmother wrote to thank us for giving her extra time with her husband.  One of the young women felt that she had a new lease on life and was no longer afraid.”

While Rebecca was a registered organ donor long before Alex’s death, Paul struggled at first with his son’s decision to donate his organs.

“Alex took us down this path,” Paul said. “We are now better for having done this.”

Paul and Rebecca are glad they honored their son’s decision to be an organ donor, and they embrace their newfound mission of sharing his life of compassion with others.

“We have gotten to tell his story to others and through honoring his life and decision, have helped others,” Rebecca said. “Paul is now a registered organ donor, along with others of our extended family and friends.  We could not be prouder of our son and the many things he did in life.  However, none was more selfless and beautiful than being an organ donor.”

If you are struggling with the loss of a friend or family member and would like to learn more about GriefShare, visit www.griefshare.org.

(By Kim Gilmore, Senior Public Education Coordinator)